Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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