I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
