listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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