bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
