I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She needs sedatives and a leash
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
