During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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