$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
