I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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