Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
