I accidentally burped into my bong.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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