ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
