I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
