Your face is a jimmy john
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
