Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
