i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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