i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
