they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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