my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
