I'm eating all of the evidence.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
