it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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