You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think a kid would responsible me up
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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