So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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