I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
