I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
