She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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