i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Im part way to drunk.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
