I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
