He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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