Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize