Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
