.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
