There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
