So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
