Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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