Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
