i just wanna soil my oats bro
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The air taste purple.
Randomize
