so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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