is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
