Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
