the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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