ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
