Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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