He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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