ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
