i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
