Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
