she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize