i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
