we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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