Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
