Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
