Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
