she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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