I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
