i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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