Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
