i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
