the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
