I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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