He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
