how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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