I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
