god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
