I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
my poor anus
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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