I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize