beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
