please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
