She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
