take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
