she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
