Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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