last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
