Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
